CASUAL KEN // getting to know us

For those who don’t know, 2 of the 3 founding Frankenstein Friends are Half-Asian. We are a delightful mixture of the exotic Japanese people and the generic White people (I only jokingly dismiss the “white” side – in fact my 25% Irish blood allows me to drink alcohol to my heart’s content and my liver’s displeasure without the unfortunate side effect of alcohol flush syndrome so prevalent among Asians).

Last year on “Hug a Half-Asian Day” (June 3rd – mark you calendars!) I was directed to a blog entry written to help others accurately identify Half-Asians. I was not aware of the term “Hapa” prior to reading the aforementioned blog entry. Basically it means “half” in hawaiian, and while it was once part of a mildly derogatory phrase, it has come to simply refer to those of mixed asian heritage (or so I’ve been led to believe). It can also be used as an acronym meaning:

Holy
Awesome
Piece of
Ass

While my own feigned humility prevents me from commenting on my own HAPA status, I will say that I’ve seen very few Half-Asians that aren’t at least very attractive if not exceedingly so. Sure there are uggos out there, but they seem to be the exception.

I’ve included the guide below:

(I did not write this, and I can’t remember who did.)

– Simply look for these characteristics in white-ish looking people and you’ve probably got a HAPA on your hands:

1. Played a stringed instrument at some point in their lives.
2. Is particularly good at math – typically the very useless kind.
3. Has wicked knife skills but never went to chef school.
4. Cooks rice perfectly every time. In a pot.
5. Owns a rice cooker.
6. Uses chopsticks to do any of the following: eat rice with, cook with, stir powdered or mixed drinks with.
7. Gets the “you’re one of us” eye, nod, and/or smile at any Asian eating establishment.
8. Can do a mean Asian American accent without using the words “Ching or Chong” and looking like a complete racist asshole.
9. Takes offense to the word “Oriental” unless it’s being used to describe floor coverings or food.
10. Is fucking hot.

– end –

Stereotype? Sure
Accurate? You bet

Though I cannot personally lay claim to all of these attributes, I definitely hit the majority – as do most of the Half-Asians I know.

Like most people, I’m a book that doesn’t like to be judged by its cover. I’m an individual, right? Well, again like most people, I fit begrudgingly into a pre-determined category of human – but hey, there are worse places be, right white people? (It’s cool, I’m Half-White.)

casualken