Pee and Other Drugs

I work in an office building doing a painstakingly monotonous job. After being in this position for over a year, one learns how to enjoy the small things that lend just enough distraction to make each day manageable. These distractions include: 1. Departmental Meetings – while yes I am still sitting and bored, at least I am in a different room; 2. Receiving Emails – which merely draws my attention to a different section of my computer screen for a brief moment, but can give me a second wind that gets me through the day. That is why I sign up for Publisher’s Clearing House drawings.

One of my new favorite things to do at work is drinking water (I did say painstakingly monotonous right?). I challenge myself to make my urine as clear as possible. After a long weekend at home, I can’t wait to get back in the office to make my body a Brita filter (Brita filters turn water into urine and back into water).

My new hydration hobby obviously forces me to take more restroom breaks, another simple distraction that makes my day better. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a slacker. I work very hard and don’t just force water down my throat so that I can take bathroom breaks. I could go and hideout in the bathroom without peeing. What if my boss is behind me and asks why I am not peeing you say? … Good point. Then I would be in a predicament. But as I said I actually need to pee.

I have noticed that there are about 3 or 4 guys in the office who are always making a trip to the bathroom at the same time as me. Most of them are in different departments and I have never talked to them. I just stand next to them and pee – several times a day. I have contemplated bringing up this fact to some of them by saying something like “Our pee-riods synced up” or “Are you following me?” but I have yet to breach the topic. I believe that in order for these other people to be going to the bathroom at least as much as I do, they must be competing with themselves for clear urine as well. So what I propose is this – Why not compete against each other?  Nothing raises morale like some friendly competition. I can hear the trash talk now.

“Nice pee Devon… Mountain Dew called. It wants its Yellow 5 back.”

or

“Hey Devon, that pee looks like a kidney stone.”

“Hey Devon, Coldplay called… Yellow.”

You might be wondering why I hate Devon so much.

I don’t.

He is just my main competition

– bull dog corner