The Final Frontier

I suffer from motion sickness. Asians are known to be hypersusceptible to this malady – thankfully I’m only half-asian (I can only imagine what a whole-asian must go through) so it’s not a debilitating condition for me in most cases (unless I’m in the backseat on a winding road in the Irish countryside #humblebrag), but it can be the cause of some unpleasantness. Basically, if I’m on a plane or a boat I take a Dramamine as it makes the trip much more agreeable. Here’s the thing though – it recently occurred to me that, due to my condition, I will most likely never be able to travel to outer space.

To be fair, space travel has never been a lifelong goal or anything – so it’s not as if all my dreams have been jettisoned out the airlock. But as someone who grew up watching the Stars (both Wars and Trek), the idea has always had some appeal. How could you see the Millennium Falcon blast its way out of Mos Eisley and not wish you were on board, hurtling towards the cosmos about to make the jump into hyperspace? Now imagine the ship dodging Star Destroyers and Tie Fighters while you’re in the bathroom trying desperately to aim your face at the toilet while contemplating pressing a blaster to your temple and ending your misery – not quite as romantic. Well, that would be me. There’s not enough Dramamine in the galaxy to enable me to successfully navigate an asteroid field without refunding all that my body contains.

Han and Chewie up front

me in the back

I doubt that traveling aboard the Enterprise would fare much better. I’m imagining it as the space equivalent of a cruise ship.  While I’ve never been on a cruise ship, I can easily picture myself hurling off the back of the lido deck. The Trek equivalent most likely being me in the bathroom of Ten Forward contemplating pressing a phaser against my temple and ending my misery. Perhaps on the Enterprise the lack of resistance in space would provide a smoother ride, but it sure seems like they’re pitching from side to side an awful lot in those old episodes.

Of course, that’s the sci-fi/fantasy version of space travel; the reality of space travel would be much worse. I don’t believe NASA has encountered too many Tie Fighters (they’d probably just cover it up anyway), but think about the amount of force it takes to simply escape Earth’s gravity (the very definition of “simple”). I get sick on an airplane – I would drown inside my space helmet before we hit the mesosphere.

At least I know I’m not alone. There are literally billions of Asians on the planet, many of whom are even more susceptible to motion sickness than I. Additionally, I’m fairly certain there are a few non-Asians out there that get motion sick too. I’m definitely gonna buy stock in barf bags (they’re publicly traded, right?) before Virgin Galactic opens for business.

casualken